1. Wear black
Camouflage does not work as well at night. Unless the moon is really bright. And you should ask yourself what are you doing sneaking around vandalizing property on a moonlit night. Everyone knows you wait for a darker night.
2. Match your shades of black
2. Match your shades of black
Black can come in different shades. Dark black, charcoal, 100,000 mile motor oil, Michael Jackson (actually changes colors from dark to light like the old hypercolor shirts), black forest, black forest at night, etc. If you are not careful with your choices of black, you will be seen as you scale a building to steal the latest Versace designs. Remember, black is not a lack of color but the combination of all colors, so if the mix of colors isn't equal, you can end up with black forest instead of black forest at night.
3. Accessories
3. Accessories
Always important. The naginta is often unnecessary, merely slowing down a mission. Best to always have caltrops, throwing stars, climbing shoes and gloves, a breathing straw made to look like a reed, smoke bombs, collapsible grappling hook, mission specific equipment, and animal crackers.
4. Don't save money on a balaclava
4. Don't save money on a balaclava
There are areas where you can save a few dollars. Your balaclava (or ninja mask if you enjoy being so yesterday) needs to conceal your identity, instill fear in your enemies, yet wick away moisture and breathe so you don't have to scratch your head. You also want the fabric on the side of your eyes to be tight to the side of your head. A small pucker in the fabric can reduce peripheral visibility by as much as 8.9% in each eye. That could mean be the difference between a stolen sign and jail time.
5. Be confident
5. Be confident
No matter how well designed your outfit is or how good it looks, it doesn't mean much if you don't exude confidence. Ninjas must instill fear in their opponent so they can escape with whatever items we have been hired to re appropriate. Lack of confidence can lead to poor posture, and poor posture can lead to noise. Slumping shoulders and a bent over posture can cause even the stealthiest ninja to make as much noise as a cat on carpet. Not good. Remember, you are a ninja. Act like it.
i can't wait to try this out next time we steal "be respect"!!!!!!!
ReplyDeletedo you do any mentoring?
Dear Ninja, I have two major problems I was hoping you could help me with. The first one is this. I was coming back from my latest "job" and stopped by the local ninja pawn to replace my supply of caltrops (seems they don't stop trains very well). The owner then informs me of the new 96 day waiting period and background check on caltrops. My ninja identity must never be revealed so naturally I won't pass. I have another "job" this weekend so I can't wait anyway. The Feds closed all the loopholes I've been exploiting at the ninja shows, and the ninja weapons black market is not doing well here in Yellowknife. What can I do? With the economy the way it is, I can't afford to pass up work. Problem 2. I went down to the local Ninja Emporium to buy a new high tech shinobi shozoku in Michael Jackson black (I think that this would be a real avantage to me when we get a sudden aurora borealis show when I'm on a "job") when I discovered that all the shinobi shozokus they carried were made in France! What self respecting ninja wears duds from France? Do you know of anywhere that still carries good Japanese made shinobi shozokus? Thanks for your help ninja!
ReplyDeleteOh, one more thing, what black are you wearing in your picture? I really think that it would accent the pupils of my eyes perfectly!
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean, dude. Ah, the troubles that come with being a ninja.
ReplyDeleteWell gotta go get some sleep before my "job" tonight.
ReplyDeleteoutdoor.mom,
ReplyDeleteI'm in!
It just so happens I am in the market for a new breathing straw disguised as a reed. Can you reccomend an online seller?
ReplyDeleteAlso, animal crackers? Huh? ; ) (I don't know what the emoticon for "baffled" looks like, so I have to settle for the winking one. Lame!)